"We plastinates have rights too!"
The following memo was provided by a highly placed member of the directorship of Plastinancy, a plastinate advocacy group, speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY.
"We Plastinated People Have Rights Too!"
Increasingly, people around the world are choosing plastination as the method of choice for disposing of their mortal remains. Plastination now ranks third behind burial and cremation among choices made by persons preparing for their own demise. As plastination's popularity grows, the plastinated are demanding to be accorded rights that recognize their uniqueness.
Plastination gained popularity through museum exhibits of posed, plastinated men, women, and children. Invented in 1978 by anatomist Gunther von Hagens, plastination removes a cadaver's body fat and water, replacing them with plastics. A plastinated body will not smell or decay. von Hagens unabashedly promoted his invention through exhibits throughout the world. Companies in several countries were licensed by von Hagens to create the plastinated figures. Inevitably perhaps, these companies were approached by private individuals seeking plastination upon their deaths. A lucrative secondary industry quickly developed. Rather than being buried or cremated, people approaching death were choosing to be plastinated. Problems arose largely because of how the plastinated-to-be were directing the uses of their epoxy-preserved remains.
The plastinated-to-be tend to be wealthy persons. People who can afford the hefty price tag for plastination are now learning they can pay to have their remains displayed however and wherever they want. Some have designed elaborate burial chambers and had them constructed on their estates. In one such chamber, the plastinated deceased tycoon is posed in a chair as if in conversation. The visitor is encouraged to sit in a bronze chair facing the plastinate and to engage in conversation. A voice- activated, computer-driven voice-recognition and audio system selects responses from a menu and broadcasts them in the tycoon's own voice.
Problems surfaced when a plastinate specified that he be placed prominently and permanently in the atrium of his Santa Barbara trophy home. The plastinate's widow complained bitterly in court through her attorney to no avail. The probate court ruled for the plastinate, and the decision was upheld in the California Supreme Court. With that ruling, people felt freer to opt for plastination and placement. It appeared the plastinates had rights. An advocate for the plastinate population said, "Look, the soon-to-be dead have always chosen what to do with their bodies. Go in the ground or be burned. Plastination is just another alternative. But plastination allows for something new. Placement."
June Brawling's problems began when her mother specified that her plastinate be placed in the Brawling's family living room. "Mom held the title to our house," said June Brawling, explaining why the family felt they had to accede to the mother's placement specification in her will. As a result, June's mother's plastinate, skinless under the elegant Nancy Reagan-style outfit she's wearing, sits with a grotesque approximation of a warm smile in a corner of the Brawling living room appearing ready to dispense the fundamentalist wisdom that was her stock-in-trade.
The city of San Mateo, California faced a different sort of problem with a plastinate who specified that he be placed naked in a chair on his front lawn. Neighbors complained, and the police were summoned. The plastinate's widow, accompanied by her attorney, invited the police in for tea. The attorney explained that whereas municipal codes might prohibit and penalize a living person's sitting naked on the front lawn, they did not apply to a plastinate. The attorney stated the plastinate was his client, not the deceased man who had himself plastinated. Plastination and public placement on private property is expanding rapidly. Legal experts predict that plastinates will soon test whether they can place themselves on public property.
Plastinancy, a plastinate advocacy group, has targeted San Francisco, California for the first public property plastinate placement. A group of plastinates-to-be has formed with the intention of specifying that their bodies be placed on park benches in the City Hall concourse. Plastinancy has said that once all of the members have been plastinated, they will be placed and affixed permanently to park benches. The City Attorney's Office observed that super-gluing a plastinate to a park bench would probably bring a misdemeanor charge of defacing public property. A member of the group, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, "Why should we let our bodies rot when we can be there as plastinates? Everybody should do it. Let people know you're still somebody, even though you're a plastinate."
