OnConditionofAnonymity

Bush Executes Saddam Via Remote Control

A highly placed Defense Department official who was present at the execution of Saddam Hussein early Saturday morning December 30, speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, has reported that an electronic hook-up from Baghdad's Green Zone to the White House allowed George W. Bush to spring the trap door and send Hussein to his death.

According to this source, Bush was able to taunt the deposed president of Iraq via a radio and video communication hook-up as well. "Thought you could fuck with the Bush family, did you, asshole!" Bush is reported to have screamed just before pressing the button. "I am the Decider!" Bush wailed in his high-pitched voice as he tripped the trap door. "My father was too weak-willed to kill you, but I am not. Die, motherfucker!"

The Defense Department official also reported that just before the trap door dropped, Hussein lifted his foot and showed the sole of his shoe to Bush in the most significant gesture of disrespect an Iraqi can make. Bush is reported to have given Hussein the finger as he hit the button.

Again, reporting ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, the official reported that Bush cackled and giggled for half a minute as Hussein's body jerked at the end of the rope. The video feed clearly showed Hussein soiling his pants with feces and urine as the rope snapped his neck. "Look, there, Karl!" Bush is reported to have said, "the motherfucker pissed himself. We showed him who's boss! Fuck 'em all!"