OnConditionofAnonymity

K-Fed's Semen for Sale

The new boutique industry has sprung up, created when Britney Spears shaved her head and offered the hair for sale. The daughter of a salon owner in L.A. claims she swept up some of Spears's hair and is taking bids on EBay. A collector claims to have received an offer of one of Paris Hilton's toenail clippings.

According to a highly placed talent agent at the prestigious William Morris Agency, speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, Kevin Federline is now seeking bids for a dollop of his jissom that he claims he recovered from Spears's vagina after intercourse. In a related story, a cleaning woman from a West Hollywood motel has offered a bedsheet on EBay purported to be stained with Federline's semen. The cleaning woman, an illegal immigrant from El Salvador, is making the offer through an intermediary. "We've got a certificate stating that the semen is a DNA match to Federline," the intermediary said.

The Wm Morris talent agent sees a whole new market opening up. "We've been approached for scabs from Brad Pitt's abrasions and the contents of one of the adolescent actor Macaulay Culkin's zits," said the agent, speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY. "Knowing that Paris Hilton shaves her snatch, many potential buyers are asking for pubic hairs. Hilton is considering offering the curly keepsakes one at a time for a flat fee of $25,000 per hair."

"What will we see next," a reporter wondered, "requests for snot knocked from Sylvester Stallone's nose by Apollo Creed?" "We've had three offers already," said the agent, "with one bid of $50,000."