Bush Plans Privatization of the Air We Breathe
A highly placed official in the Commerce Department, speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, has disclosed Bush Administration plans to sell rights to the atmosphere to an Enron derivative known as Airon. "It was inevitable that these companies who’ve acquired the rights to a public resource like water or electricity and then sold them to the people who originally owned them would eventually wake up to the opportunity afforded by the atmosphere we breathe," the official noted.
"Bush’s announcement has already been written," the official explained. "He’ll announce a privatization of efforts to clean up the atmosphere. That will be a cover for the real purpose, which is to allow Airon to take possession of the air cheaply, much like mining companies or oil companies get the government to allow them to purchase a resource that in fact belongs to the American people. What they do then is begin to charge drivers a fee for the oxygen their cars burn. They plan to charge the airlines for the oxygen their engines burn. Eventually their plan is to charge citizens a fee for the oxygen they consume daily."
Anticipating OCOA’s questions, the official, again speaking ON CONDITION OF ANONYMITY, stated that Airon would have the right to cut off the air supply of persons who failed to pay the fees for breathing. "Hell, the water company will turn off your meter if you fail to pay your bill. Water is essential for life. So is oxygen. PG&E will turn off your electricity for failure to pay. We don’t consume electricity directly, but heat is necessary for life, and plenty of people have died after their gas or electricity was turned off in winter. Airon plans to install breathing restrictor devices on people who don’t pay. They’ll be able to inhale just enough air to maintain life, but not enough to walk or do much else. You’d probably be able to watch TV, but then if you couldn’t pay your Airon bill, it’s not likely that you’d have paid your cable company." Apparently poor or destitute people will be reduced to a completely sedentary life without entertainment or diversion.
"Bush will emphasize the compassionate side of his conservatism," according to the official who has seen the president’s speech. "He’ll announce a program to be called No Lung Left Empty that will supplement the small amount of oxygen that Airon will allow the poor to breathe with a dole from the government." The official explained that Airon will receive a $100 billion grant from the government to build air scrubbing plants designed to remove fly ash and other pollutants from massive quantities of air. There will be no oversight on the program, which will be run much like the Iraqi reconstruction effort. Paul Bremmer will be appointed to head the new federal agency that will disburse the monies. "Bush and Cheney believe Bremmer did such a fine job in Iraq that he is the logical person to direct the National Office of Air," said the official continuing to speak On Condition of Anonymity. Airon will pay no taxes on income collected from the nation’s breathing public, the official disclosed. The Oxygen Consumption Tax will be collected from every citizen beginning September 1, 2007, although the first of 500 air scrubbing stations is not expected to be operational until at least 2025.
